The Experience of Joy is Yours Alone
As we embark on another Thanksgiving week here in the U.S., some of us may begin to feel the angst of what's to come as we sit down to dinner with family and friends.
Like me, you may have to face a well-meaning, albeit opinionated, crowd of relatives who thinks your food restrictions are exaggerated and overblown. No gluten? What about the traditional stuffing, biscuits and gravy?!? No sugar? How will you be able to eat Aunt Mae's sweet potato goodie? No dairy? The holidays aren't complete without eggnog, mac n cheese, and whipped cream on the pumpkin pie!
This is just one of many examples of how the dynamics of our relationships can affect us, if we allow them to. How do these interactions (and maybe even more so, the thoughts about what we MAY encounter in these future scenarios) make you feel? I don't just mean the emotions that they trigger, but what about the physical sensations in your body that come along with these encounters. Have you ever stopped to notice them in these moments? If the food topic speaks to you then you may even notice less than pleasant physical sensations welling up in you now…
Whatever the circumstances this holiday season, you can make it your mission to keep your light shining even in the most troubling times. No person or situation has the power to steal your happiness. The experience of joy is your birthright.
We've all heard stories of people who have remained at peace even in the face of major adversities - in concentration camps, during natural disasters, amidst depression and famine. Thanksgiving dinner in your home likely won't compare in scope to those, but it's a good place to start!
Maybe your mother-in-law makes a habit of finding ways to get under your skin. Consider the idea that she's hurting and her words are a cry for love. Or your uncle Greg tends to boast about the way he's made the perfect turkey for 30+ years. His cockiness is little more than an out of balance ego. It's all just information. It doesn't have to affect you emotionally or physically unless you allow it to.
Now turn it around. Can you allow yourself the opportunity to feel gratitude for some part of them? Maybe your mother-in-law showers your children with love and affection or your uncle Greg has been a mentor for you or your spouse in your careers. Or maybe you can't find qualities you genuinely appreciate in this moment, so you consider how they have helped you grow. Maybe you've learned to be in your integrity around them or you've been able to become graceful and patient in their presence. These family members are our teachers and it eases the burden of suffering when we choose to see them in this way. Only then can we experience the freedom of true joy within ourselves.
THIS WEEK: As you gear up for Thanksgiving dinner (or another gathering for those of you outside the U.S.), observe how your thoughts around the upcoming encounters make you feel, both emotionally and physically. Make it your mission to keep your light shining in the midst of the family dynamics. Their projections are simply information. You can choose to experience joy.
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