What's Your Inner Leadership Style?

The topic of leadership has been bouncing around in my head ever since my son confessed his fears about being an effective leader for the new, younger boy scouts this weekend. He has a love of leadership in his bones and wants desperately to mentor others to be the best versions of themselves. He finds himself torn between the pull to be patient and loving in his supervision and the push to scold and yell when they don’t cooperate. As we talked through his dilemma I couldn’t help but think about how we all face a similar struggle every moment of every day as we choose how to be the best leader for our inner worlds, our most significant leadership role.

Think of the most effective leader you’ve encountered in your life. Maybe your favorite teacher growing up. Or that boss who mentored you as you learned the ins and outs of your new job. How about the piano instructor who had a gift for helping you find your courage before a big recital. Or the sports coach who encouraged you through the wins and the losses.

What characteristics of this leader have left an imprint on your mind over the years? Was he patient when you struggled to learn a new concept? Was she there to help pick you up when you stumbled? Was he kind when you confessed your lack of confidence? See if you can come up with 3-5 adjectives to describe this person’s leadership style. 

Now go through the same process with the least effective leader you’ve encountered. How about the teacher who threatened and yelled. Or the boss who led with self-righteous anger. Maybe it was the parent or coach who made it clear that winning was the only way to gain his approval.

Think about these characteristics as you reflect on how you treat yourself every day. If you think of yourself as the leader of your inner world, consider what kind of leader you are. Are you a fear based leader or a love giving leader?

If your inner dialogue is rooted in fear then you’ll likely feel the shackles of resistance, reluctance, and resentment. 
A fear based inner leader criticizes your inadequacies. 
A fear based inner leader pushes you to do more, to be more, to give more. 
A fear based inner leader belittles and doubts your ability to persevere. 
A fear based leader makes you feel like you’re not good enough in hopes that you’ll strive harder to be accepted and loved.

However, if your inner dialogue is rooted in love then you’ll likely feel the freedom of compassion, forgiveness, and understanding.  
A love giving inner leader sees no mistakes or shortcomings, only the path that is meant to be. 
A love giving inner leader loves what you do, who you are, and all that you give.
A love giving inner leader celebrates all your efforts.
A love giving leader makes it clear that you are infinitely loved just as you are. 

Which kind of inner leader would you rather be?

THIS WEEK: Reflect on your inner leader’s style as you become aware of her self talk. Is she compassionate and kind? Or is she harsh and judgmental? See if you can adopt some of your favorite leader’s characteristics as your own and notice the subtle (or clear) physical and emotional changes as a result. 

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