Do you hide your anger?

Many kids have trouble getting a handle on their anger. My parents will certainly tell you I did! For some, these emotionally charged outbursts continue into adulthood. It took me a very long time to figure out that my short fuse made me feel powerful and was really a disguise for a whole host of more vulnerable emotions like sadness, embarrassment and shame that I wasn't willing to face. 

A malfunctioning limbic system basically kept me in "fight or flight" mode as I dealt with challenging symptoms of mystery illness for all those years. This certainly contributed to my inability to access my rational, thinking mind before my more primitive mind armed for battle and took the stage in stressful situations. However, as I've learned to take a breath and observe my thoughts and feelings from a place of love when things get tough I've found that the emotions I've tried so desperately to bury really aren't so scary. And, the relief that comes from letting them free is so worth the "risk" in going to that place.  

This is a great article with very practical tools to use with our kids and with ourselves when we notice the lower part of the brain taking over. Awareness of the feelings buried beneath the anger is a key component to healing from "mystery illnesses" as well.

"Anger is the feeling we grab on to to keep more difficult, intense feelings under control. Anger never exists on it's own and it can be really helpful to understand what feeling is beneath it. Breathe into yourself and be open to any other feelings that might be there. Just let it happen. They'll show themselves to you when you're calm, still and open to seeing them. When you can find the feeling beneath your anger, your anger will start to ease."

THIS WEEK: See if you can open up some space for awareness around your anger. Maybe you aren't one to explode in a tornado of rage. Maybe you tense up internally and allow something upsetting to simmer. Either way, your anger and frustration is often a disguise for more deeply buried emotions. Allow yourself to get curious and feel what your body truly wants to release.

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