Family Confinement Tips: Part II
If you missed Part I of this series, be sure to check it out here: Family Confinement Tips: Part I
No. 4 Open Doors
Literally and figuratively.
So many of us feel locked up right now. We need visual cues to help us get the sense that we’re not actually constrained. Open doors. Open windows. Get outside. Create a sense of freedom for ourselves. Because we are actually free!
At first, I was thrilled that my newly free 16-year-old would have to spend more time with us. I was given the gift of precious time with him that I was otherwise losing as he started to naturally take small flights before eventually leaving our nest completely. My gift is becoming his demise as he feels more and more like a caged animal during this never-ending quarantine. That newfound freedom suddenly snatched from our teens has to be difficult.
Without getting into the nitty-gritty of Self-Determination Theory, SDT proposes that humans have three basic psychological needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. As our children grow into teenagers and eventually independent adults, it’s important that we help foster their intrinsic motivation—especially now when it can be so tempting for them to sleep, get sucked into their screens, and sleep some more.
AUTONOMY: I’m learning to watch my tendency to become overly involved in managing my teenager. I see him more now than I have in a while and it’s easy to want to continue to be his guide. Thing is when he was at school and out with friends I certainly wasn’t sitting on his shoulder dictating his every move. Nor do I need to be now. Teenagers need freedom. I want him to feel free (i.e. less “ruled”), especially amidst this global confinement. Offering options and choices allows him to act according to his own interests and values.
COMPETENCE: Having freedom, options, and choices doesn’t mean less family contribution. Teens need real responsibilities. They need a certain amount of structure and accountability to feel competent. They need to feel like they’re contributing to the good of the whole.
RELATEDNESS: Many teens have (temporarily) lost their #1 support system, their friends—at least to a certain extent. They can’t be around them in person and recreationally. How can we help them feel togetherness? This one is difficult. I’m no substitute for his best friends, but I can do my best to be available and involved as he needs me.
No. 5 Move Your Body
My kids have both been complaining of being tired more than usual—and they’re getting plenty of sleep nowadays! Laying around + screen fatigue = stagnant energy. We can all learn to tune into our bodies and notice what feels good. Taking a moment to catch the physical and mental sensations that come after bursts of movement—whether it be a yoga session on zoom, a walk around the neighborhood, or an impromptu dance party—can go a long way in motivating us and our kids to keep creating space for physical activity.
No. 6 Get Creative
The virtual information being thrown at us has a way of hijacking our brains. Our minds can easily get lazy and succumb to outside information. Mindless videos, gaming, social media feeds, repetitive news—these can all have brainwashing effects. They require little effort on our part and tend to plant seeds inside our head. Activities like reading, talking, and any number of creative endeavors also take brainpower, but they leave more room for information to flow out of us as well. We get to use intuition and our inner spark to share our gifts with the world. Instead of outside-in, information gets to flow inside-out. The world could use more of our creativity right about now.
Be sure to check out my previous posts about finding peace and calm during this coronavirus:
Family Confinement Tips From Parents Who Know: Part I
How to Recognize Hidden Fear Amid a Pandemic
8 Body & Mind Tools to Bring Calm in the Face of Fear
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