Judgment
"Judging a person does not define who they are... it defines who you are."
Let's face it. We all judge. We can't help ourselves. Unless you're one of those enlightened beings who can see right into another's soul and sense the oneness of humanity at all times, then you're judging.
Often our harsh perceptions of others are rooted in our own deep emotional wounds. Or, those observations are our "flaws" projected onto them. Self-righteousness will frequently rear its ugly head in these cases.
Take my recent holier-than-thou experience, for example...
A few years ago, I watched the aftermath of someone die making a dangerous left turn into my neighborhood. Since then, I have been extremely cautious at the light and vocal in my attempts to curtail the bullying that commonly occurs when impatient drivers get behind a car avoiding said turn. I've taught my 15-year-old son to wait for the signal instead of moving on yellow. ALWAYS. I usually wait for the turn signal as well, but this time I could see around the cars turning in front of me if I proceeded with caution. My carefulness inconvenienced the driver behind me.
She honked and then proceeded to tailgate me through the neighborhood. It frightens me to know that many have, and will, hastily take that turn because the driver behind them taps their horn. What if you were to honk at the person who gets hit?? How horrible would you feel?
I remained relatively calm until she flipped me off as I was turning onto my street. And that did it. Though I regret losing my temper and speaking to her in anger, I'm not sorry that I confronted her. That intersection is extremely dangerous, and I don't want anyone to have an accident there. Ever again.
Though she appeared defiant at that moment (as did I, since our egos were engaged in this confrontation), I hope that my message was received. If it brought awareness to one more person about the severity of that stoplight issue, then it was worth it.
But, my angry reaction, that possibly could have been delivered in a more civil manner, wasn't my only transgression.
Just a day before, I hastily honked at the person in front of me for stopping at a yellow light while everyone else around us continued through. His stopping kept me from being able to turn right, and I was in a hurry. The honk was meant to be a "why did you stop?!" gesture and not a ploy to push him to go. But that's what happened. The confused driver drove through what was now a red light. He didn't get into an accident... this time.
I was the bully. I recognized it and vowed to do better in the future.
We often get frustrated with others because we see ourselves in them. We see our shadows. We see our flaws. They reflect back our consciousness, giving us an opportunity to reflect and grow.
How Do We Grow?
Everyone Is Your Mirror: As you learn to recognize yourself in other people, you understand what it means to see yourself reflected back to you. Blame and judgment begin to loosen their grip on you naturally.
Notice When Only The Face Changes: The repetition of the same problems and feelings in your relationships and encounters are signs that there's more inner healing work to be done.
See The Positive Too: The qualities you admire in others can also be found within you! Foster those traits and allow yourself to share that admiration by loving yourself. (*Note: If you're annoyed by a positive quality in another, consider if it's something you are resisting embodying yourself.)
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